Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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