I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
