Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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