Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
