Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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