Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
