Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
