they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
