I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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