You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
