He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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