Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
