allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
