Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
These tits shall not be calmed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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