Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
