I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
