You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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