So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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