Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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