had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
