have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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