do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Randomize
