Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
