I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
