Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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