On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
