theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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