If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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