mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They are going to name an STD after you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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