dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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