i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I could make wine with my vomit
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
