Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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