He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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