I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
