If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
