I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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