Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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