I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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