He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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