To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
