y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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