I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
