highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
