Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
