He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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