So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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