I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
