He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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