We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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