I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
