Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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