So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
