you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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