The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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