my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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