dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
